Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Tuesday Tidbits: By the time you are 40, there are some things you should know

I have had a few things happen in the last week that have made me stop and think. You know as you get older you are supposed to learn lessons. And obviously some of us are slow learners and developmentally delayed when it comes to life.

Lesson #1: When you have a child and are the female parent, you can never, ever take your eyes off of said child for any amount of time when father is out of town.
Because if you do, even if your comfy lawn chair is sitting in the middle of your said 2 children, performing two different activities and you are strategically placed, dead center, as to watch both children simultaneously, ONE CHILD will get hurt.
And that dear child will be all too happy to throw you under the bus while describing the accident to returning father.
"It was because Mom was not keeping an eye on me."
And really, do you know HOW people, including the father, look at you, when a precious little princess has a shiner, that looks worse, in many colors of black, blue, green and yellow, as the days go by. I do have witnesses to the event, mind you.

Lesson #2:
DO NOT EVER be so concerned about a best friends mental health that you decide to call her husband to voice your concerns, no matter how much you love her or how serious you believe her mental fragility and near break-down experiences to be.

Even if you tell her beforehand that you are going to call,
have discussed said issues with her previously and communicate in very clear,

concise ENGLISH words

to an ENGLISH speaking, highly educated husband.

Believe me, the male interpretation of the conversation will be like something from a dream that makes so little sense that you can't even put it into words.
Not necessarily the content, but the presentation back to her will in no way resemble the prior conversation you had with communication delayed male species.

And just a justification, in his eyes, as to how all the marital and earthly problems are caused by the FEMALE, once again.

Chit-Chat with friends' husbands, tell on them if you can,
but never, ever try to communicate with them in order to explain a concern you have with a complicated social issue.....
or problem regarding the social institution of marriage.

Lesson Learned.
Trust me, it can only turn out badly.
You will only sound like the teacher on The Peanuts to the said male.

And just go ahead apply that to most males, not only your best Friend's husband.
(Sorry guys, that comes from 40 years of tested scientific research on my part....)

And lesson #3:
Do not under, any circumstances, stop at the carnival like booths set up in the mall.

Especially if it is hair care products, skin and nail products, or makeup.
You will buy things. Oh, sure, they will give you a good deal, just for you, their favorite customer for that hour only.
But then you will get home with the great product.

And although it is usually a good product, not misrepresented- yet, it is never a great as it was at the kiosk with the nice person with the amazing foreign accent explaining it or as easy to use as demonstrated.
I have just the thing if you want your hair straight or in baby ringlet curls, need to exfoliate with Dead Sea Minerals and have buffed nails also- or want a product that can be eyeliner, eye shadow, lip gloss, fingernail polish and blush all at the same time by adding various common household products. Come to my house if you are curious.

Do not stop to let them fix your hair, face or nails.
You will walk away with a purchase. Those people train with the carnies who run the games.

But don't my curls look just amazing????? She had my hair looking like a model from Cosmo.
It is much harder to do yourself with an instrument that reaches 410 degrees F and comes with a glove. Trust me on that one.
But Baby girl's hair did look almost worth the money.
Email me if you want to know more about these and more amazing product.
I am banned from malls this week, just so you know.


out of town,

a girl's gotta

go a little crazy.


HEWY said...

Two of those will be easy for me. The first is the hardest.

Anonymous said...

100% correct on those brains!

Leigh said...

LOL. I hope her yey has at least turned green by now. Bless her. Charnita!!LOL.
Yes on the male thing. ALl men, NO matter the age. You are the peanuts teacher. I too learned that one.
And finally, I run form those people. I am one that my husband gets mad ta b/c he thinks that I am "to nice" and let people walk all over me. But that goes out the window when the folks at the mall approach me. I am admittingly rude. I feel like if I want it I will come to you. Same goes for tlemarketors. Though your hair looks great!

A little butter in the burn helps.