One year ago

One year ago today, just about this time of night as I was getting the children in bed, carrying on my normal, daily routine. I got a phone call to get in my car and drive to my sister's house immediately with a frantic brother on the other end.

My only sister is only 15 months younger than me and a shot of fear ran through me.

She's OK, my brother said to me, but Chris gone.

Chris was my brother-in-law for 10 years.

He left this world to find peace at last exactly one year ago almost to this minute.

A tortured, tragic ending to a life that few will ever experience in this world.

Chris was brilliant, handsome, a Green Beret/Special Forces and had seen things in life that I thought existed only on television.

He was addicted to and overcame crystal meth to stay clean for 6 years. He spoke to many groups, changed many lives.

He just was never really able to get a handle on or change his life.

He bought my son more swords than I can hide, more tents, more camping gear, throwing starss, bows and arrows.....

He loved my children like his own.

He made me laugh. He made me cry.

Many times in the 10 years he was my family, I wanted to kill him myself for some of the things he did, the mistakes he made.

Such strong emotions are attached to my memories of him.

And yet somehow, I miss him sometimes to the point of sobbing.

I never thought his life would end so tragically.

Some people must just live so much in such a short time and that is all their soul can bear.

I do hope you found peace, my brother.

And you are missed. And I did love you, in spite of it all.

Go Rest High!

I know your life on earth was troubled

And only you could know the pain

You weren't afraid to face the devil

You were no stranger to the rain

Oh, how we cried the day you left us

We gathered 'round your grave to grieve

I wish I could see the angels' faces

When they hear your sweet voice

Go rest high on that mountain

Son, your work on earth is done

Go to heaven a shoutin'

Love for the Father and the Son.